he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
