apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
