I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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