4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
