I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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