Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have tasted many bathrooms
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
