I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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