Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
