Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize