I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
