i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
