She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
A bitchslap is in order.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize