glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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