somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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