Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
