just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
