you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
