Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
