At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize