Having a random hookup so left but love u
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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