just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
