no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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