you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I forget how to act sober
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
