I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
