A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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