Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
