i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize