I need to stop coming to work sober
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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