im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
