My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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