Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
