I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
