he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
