I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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