He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
