Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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