he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
