if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Life is so much better after having sex.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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