Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
