is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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