Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
