we're blogging at a bar
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize