I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
