i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
