a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
