I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
what day is it and did you see me today?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
