Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
