i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
