I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
PANTIES FOUND
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