I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
