I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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