My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
