sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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