A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
