how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
