Cold hands, warm shart.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
