If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize