Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
