u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Randomize
