If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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