i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
