its not stalking. its research.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize