so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
pray to the hookup gods
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
