i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
