I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
