I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
