If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
