Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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